Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am available for nakedness
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
