I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
FUCK WHALES
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