I bet he comes in French.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
