I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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