i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
