Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
