i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
