I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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