so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
how drunk are you?
Several
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
