wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
