Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
