exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
