While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
