I must be too annoying 4 u.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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