if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
