Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
