she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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