Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
