when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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