I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
