Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
