not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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