I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
