Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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