butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
