Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
