No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
