she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
