wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
