if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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