OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
