Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
