so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
