Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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