You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just want nice things and good sex
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
