What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
