so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
