When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
