Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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