i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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