who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's blow job season.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
