Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
