Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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