I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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