She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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