I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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