I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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