dude i'm inner monologue high
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
