Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
