I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
