Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
