I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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