i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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