Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
