I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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