can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
